


The Royal Tutor

by Jimiel



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Because Fuck Canon - That's Why, Bilberry Baggins, Bilbo Took, Consensual Sex, Consensual Underage Sex, Dwarves Come Of Age At 70, F/M, Gender or Sex Swap, Genderbending, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Character, Genderswap, M/M, Sexual Content, Sexual Education, Underage Sex, genderfluid hobbits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:13:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21572809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jimiel/pseuds/Jimiel
Summary: When Princess Dís overhears the plans of a dwarrowdam to seduce her young sons in an effort to trap them into marriage, she decides it is time to take action. Her solution? Track down and find someone to educate her boys in bedroom relations so that they will not be tempted by their inexperience in pleasures of the flesh.Her search leads her to the most unexpected place for the best tutor possible... The Shire.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Fíli, Bilbo Baggins/Kíli, Various Canon Relationships
Comments: 22
Kudos: 106





	The Royal Tutor

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my dear heavens... I can't believe I'm actually going to attempt to write this all out. But it's been nagging the back of my brain and I want to get it out of there. I apologize in advance.

One thing Dís hated most about going out with her family were the whispers. It wasn't because she was unused to whispers and gossip, no. Whispers and gossip came as easily as breathing when one was part of the nobility. What she hated most were specific whispers in the women's tongue. The women's tongue was a variation of Khuzdul that Mahal literally gave to only the biologically female among the dwarven race. It was originally intended to allow them to communicate in such a way that they never lost track of their children deep within their mountain homes. Now women naturally used it more for gossip since they rarely had children. While speaking the women's tongue for gossip was not new, it was as if the other dams within the mountain seemed to forget that Dís could understand them when they were gossiping about the ways they wanted to try to sneak into Dís's older brother Thorin's bed!

Not a day went by that Dís was not subjected to someone's sexual fantasy about her brother, either from those dams just interested in being able to say they'd slept with the Longbeard King or those pondering how to become pregnant by him in the hopes of capturing him into marriage. Her only consolation was that her brother had decades of experience fending off unwanted attention and ignoring the blatantly whorish behavior of some 'ladies' within the kingdom. It wasn't until the whispers took on a truly disturbing turn one night while the Durins were dining at one of the local taverns that Dís was forced to act on the matter.

"Failed to get the king again, Nutha?" A beady-eyed dam of the Blacklock variety asked her dinner companion, a thin Firebeard with a sickly complexion.

Nutha sniffed. "I think his majesty is perhaps more enamored of his guard than in the fairer sex."

The Blacklock laughed. "If you came after me I'd be more interested in the guard, too!"

Scowling, the Firebeard turned her nose up. "Either way I've come up with a much better idea, Druzim."

Leaning forward, Druzim sounded curious. "What's this then?"

"I may not be able to have the King... But I could certainly have the Crown Prince." Nutha flicked her gaze over in the direction of the young Durin princes.

Druzim looked as shocked as Dís felt. "What? They're not even of age!"

Nutha looked like the cat that got the cream. "I know." She purred. "They'll be ripe for the picking. Soon enough I'll have my Prince and then it's just a matter of time until I'm Queen."

Only Thorin suddenly needing her attention for a matter he was discussing with the boys prevented Dís from pulling out her axe and taking off that Firebeard slag's head right there in the tavern. When she finally had a chance, both Nutha and Druzim were gone and Dís was left with the problem of how best to protect her boys... She needed to see Balin as soon as possible.

\- - -

"Balin, I need protection for the boys." Dís jumped straight to the matter as soon as she stepped into Balin's office.

Balin leaned back, giving his full attention to the Princess. "The boys are doing wonderfully in their training and they've already got Nori tailing them every time they leave the royal apartments..."

"Not that kind of protection." Dís waved a hand as she seated herself. "It has come to my attention that the eyes that normally focus on my brother in their efforts to become queen are now looking toward my sons."

"That is...Disturbing since they're both underage."

"Disturbing in that they could be successful." Dís was forced to admit. "The boys know nothing of the world. As far as I've determined they aren't even considering bed partners yet. They could easily fall victim to the weakness of the flesh."

Balin hesitated. "Princess... Are you suggesting we hire prostitutes for your sons?"

Dís looked disgusted. "Absolutely not. Who knows where they've been. And as soon as they see who they've been hired for, who's to say they won't try something? Or spread horrible rumors... We need something discreet. Surely this sort of thing has been an issue before?"

Considering the question, Balin hummed thoughtfully. "Let me consult with the records. I may need my assistant to help me, but do not worry. Ori's loyal and trustworthy."

"As are all of the Ri family." Dís stood from the chair to leave. "Thank you, Balin."

\- - -

Nearly a week later Dís was once more in Balin's office. He was standing at his desk with a very old looking tome opened, the pages looking worn and tattered with dust and age. The book looked as if it were about to fall apart.

"Ori found this. The lad's amazing when it comes to research." Balin looked proud of his assistant. "And I'm nearly positive that it's what you want."

Dís peered at the book, "Well, what is it?"

"It is only a mention, but it is very clear..." Balin brushed a finger gently over the page as he read, "And so it is as each royal child of all races came toward maturity that they were given a Tutor. The Tutor was contracted and assigned the task of teaching the royal child the proper ways of maintaining manners and respect in matters of non-traditional political diplomacy and familial relations."

"That's... Are you certain this is what we're looking for? The boys already know their manners."

"It's written in Ancient Khuzdul, Dís. The words when translated to modern have more than one meaning. In this case, the runes used for 'familial relations' can also be translated as 'one with who to start a family with.'"

"Confound ancient texts... And does it happen to state where we would find a 'Tutor' for this task?"

"It does." Balin's eyes twinkled as he tapped the side of his nose and pointed at Dís. He turned a couple of pages and pointed to another line. "'And in all our days, we have never met a more proper and polite race than that of the little Holbytlan.'" He turned to Dís with an amused smirk.

"Holbytlans?" Her voice was colored in disbelief at the old name. "Halflings? Those fussy creatures are carnal educators?"

Balin coughed to cover a laugh at her phrasing. "It does fit with the jokes about it being the unassuming ones that you need to watch out for..."

Dís's eye twitched. "And how would we go about finding a Tutor in the Shire?"

"My best guess would be to contact the current steward and see if Hobbits still contract for such matters."

Frowning, Dís considered the idea.

\- - -

Isengrim Took III, current Thain of the Shire, carefully looked over the few letters he held in correspondence with the Royal Advisor in Thorin's Halls within the Blue Mountains. They had been exchanging missives for weeks. The first letter had sent the whole of the Great Smials into a frenzy, for the Tooks absolutely remembered their role as Royal Tutors. It had been centuries since any royal family had contacted them and the whole family was excited... Until they realized that everyone was either too young or in a relationship. Now, carefully considering the draft of a contract that had already been signed be Balin, son of Fundin, and Dís, daughter of Thráin, Isengrim was at a loss of who they could possibly send.

Pacing up and down the hallway, Isengrim regarded the massive artwork that spread the entire length and height of the walls... It was the Took Family Tree. He mentally crossed names off the tree as being unacceptable for one reason or another. On his fourth pass, he realized he'd been lingering on one name in particular. Finally he stopped and stared at the name. After a good ten minutes of mentally debating, Isengrim yelled for everyone in the Great Smials to hear.

"Someone send to Hobbiton, tell Belladonna's child that their presence has been requested post haste!"

\- - -

A week later, Balin and Dís receive the final missive from Thain Took. The Thain stated that he had the perfect Tutor and that the Tutor would be en route to Thorin's Halls by the time the missive arrived. The Tutor would require two rooms and they would introduce themselves upon arrival at which time they would deliver the signed contract.

"Two rooms? I thought they were only sending one?" Dís looked at the missive which was a contradiction in itself when it came to numbers.

"Perhaps the other is a guard for the Tutor. It wouldn't be prudent to travel alone, after all." Balin also thought the phrasing was off. The missive seemed to refer to the Tutor as both a singular person and as two people at the same time. "Would you like me to arrange for a place at the Inn for them?"

Dís considered the matter. "No. Have the spare suite in the royal wing prepared for the Tutor and have the Lord's Suite in the guest wing prepared for the other." The spare suite had originally been intended for Kíli, but the crown prince's suite had a second bedroom and so both princes had claimed it instead of separating. "I would like to keep the Tutor close, it will make it easier for us to keep an eye on things." She made a face and pinched the bridge of her nose, remembering why the Tutor was being hired. "Not too close of an eye, mind."

"Understood, my lady. I'll see to the arrangements right away."

\- - -

It was nine days after that when a single wagon pulled by a sturdy pony made clattered through the gates of the newest dwarven settlement within the Blue Mountains. There was only a single occupant of the wagon. The original name of the settlement was 'New Eremor,' but since Thráin had gone missing it had become 'Thorin's Halls.' Despite the name it was a proper, if not very large, city. The dwarves had prospered since Thorin had taken over leadership with his father's disappearance. The wagon entered the gates and was promptly stopped by the guards. After a brief conversation, the guards sent for Advisor Balin. When Balin arrived, he appeared surprised and had a further brief conversation before giving assisting the wagon's occupant to the ground. Giving instructions to the guards, Balin escorted the new arrival toward the offices of Princess Dís.

"Your highness?" Balin interrupted Dís as she read through some contracts for metalwork.

Dís looked up to see Balin with a short, slight figure wrapped in a burgundy hooded cloak standing beside him.

"May I present to you..."

The small figure, the hobbit, at the advisor's side stepped forward, parting the front of their cloak as they moved. The first thing Dís noticed was the obvious female attributes, a generous bust within a golden yellow bodice held tight by a row of shiny brass buttons. The deep brown skirt was embroidered with a shimmery brown thread almost the same shade as the skirt and an inch or two of a lighter brown underskirt was visible. Dís's desk blocked the view further down, so she moved her eyes up to see the hobbit reaching for the hood of her cloak. The soft skin of the hobbit was a healthy light golden brown shade that a dwarf would have to spend much time in the sun to achieve. Her face appeared young and there was a scattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose and on her plump, rosy cheeks. Her eyes were dark, the color indistinguishable in the lighting. And then she pushed her hood back.

Balin paused in his introduction.

Dís felt her breath catch.

The hobbit's hair was the glorious shade of purest mithril. She unclasped her cloak, pulling it away and draping the material over her arm. She shook her hair loose after the confinement. The mithril locks curled down to her waist, catching the light of the candles and sparkling like diamonds. She had braided the front portions on either side, pulling them back in a golden flower clip while the rest of the curls fell loose, a few stray curls framing her leaf-like pointed ears. She smiled cheerfully, giving an elegant curtsy.

Balin cleared his throat, continuing his introduction.

"Princess Dís, I am pleased to present to you Miss Bilberry Baggins, the Royal Tutor."

**Author's Note:**

> All I can find on dwarf aging is that they're physically done growing at about age 30. But Gimli was denied going on the Quest to Erebor because he was underage. He was about 62 during the quest. So I headcanon dwarves being physically adults at age 30, but not mentally or emotionally mature until age 70. So even though Kíli will be 62 and Fíli will be 67 in this fic, they are both underage. Bilberry is 35, which is fully an adult by hobbit standards. Hence the tagging.


End file.
